If you own a tacky golf tie, you may be a golf nut
If you own a tacky golf tie, you may be a golf nut

Is golf more to you than just a “silly game with a little white ball”? Does it consume every waking hour?   Do you eat, sleep and breathe everything golf?
If so, you could be a bona-fide golf nut.  Take our “highly un-scientific” quiz and see just how “mad keen” you really are.

Tick each box that applies to you, and then tally up the points to reveal your Golf-Nut Index

When you grab the morning newspaper , you:

  • …Roll it up, grip it like a 5-iron, and swiftly practice a follow-through (2 points)
  • …Immediately turn to the Golf page in the sports section (2 points)
  • …Wonder why you are wasting time reading the paper when there is certainly time for a quick 9 holes (2 points)
  • …Have already played 18 holes (5 points)

You have at least one golf-related product in your: (1 point each)

  • Office/study/pool room
  • Living room
  • car
  • Bathroom
  • Shed
  • Back yard
  • Wedding album

If your backyard contains a

  • Chipping net (1 point)
  • Synthetic putting green (5 points)
  • Golf simulator (10 points)
  • Driving range(20 points)
  • 18-hole Golf course (30 points)

You have given a golf-related name (i.e. bunker, niblick, mashie, mulligan) to:

  • A pet (5 points)
  • A body part (15 points)
  • A child (35 points)

You religiously hunt for golf gear at:

  • Trash & Treasure / Yard Sales (1 point)
  • Salvation Army/Op Shop (2 points)
  • Woolworths/Coles/Kmart/Etc (10 points)
  • A mate’s house (20 Points)

Have ever played:

  • Mini golf (1 point)
  • Pitch-putt (1 point)
  • Nerf golf (1 point)
  • Desktop golf (3 points)
  • Golf Video Games like Golden tee, Tiger Woods, Wii, etc (3 points)
  • Night golf / Glow-ball golf (3 points)
  • Golf in a torrential rainstorm (5 points)
  • Golf in a snowstorm (10 points)
  • Golf in 40+-degree heat (10 points)
  • Rain or shine, day or night, with or without golf clubs (30 points)

Your wardrobe is:

  • 50-60 percent golf-related clothing (5 points)
  • 70-80 per cent  golf-related clothing (10 points)
  • Wait – you mean there are OTHER types of clothing? (30 points)

(5 Bonus points if you own at least one pair of plus-fours and/or a hogan-style cap)

If you own a golf-related :

  • Necktie (2 points)
  • Boxers/undies  (5 points)
  • vanity number plate on your car (15 points)
  • Collector’s item (photograph, hickory-shafted club, featherie, etc)  (20 points)

If you have ever yelled “Fore!”…

  • At the Driving Range (5 points)
  • At the office (10 points)
  • In the bathroom (10 points)
  • In the bedroom (10 points)
  • On the phone (10 points)
  • During a dinner date (15 points)
  • During Christmas dinner (15 points)
  • During a wedding/funeral (25 points)
  • On your wedding night (30 points)

Score one point for each of the following:

  • You have ever been referred to as a “mad keen” golfer
  • You have ever taken a sickie to play golf
  • If you’ve ever seriously injured yourself, and your first thought was how your golf game would be affected
  • When looking at train tracks, you immediately think of your shot alignment
  • You have ever scheduled a family holiday around a game of golf
  • Your last 3 Birthday/Christmas/Fathers/Mothers day presents consisted of gift certificates to a golf retailer
  • The last book you read was about golf
  • The boot of your car has golf clubs in it more than 75 per cent of the time
  • If your child/ren’s first word was “Fore!”
  • If you’ve ever gotten up before sunrise solely to watch a golf tournament on telly
  • If you’ve ever gotten up before sunrise to play a round of golf
  • If you’ve purchased pay-tv solely for the golf coverage
  • If you’ve given human names to any of your golf clubs
  • Have ever gotten into a fight because of golf
  • Take “Are you a golf nut” quizzes (like this one!)
  • Have ever written a letter to a golf publication
  • Have ever submitted a blog post to a golf website
  • Have ever written a review of a golf course
  • Have ever organised a golf tournament or weekend away
  • Own a golf-related website or domain name
  • Write for a golf publication
  • Are the editor of a golf publication
  • Are the publisher of a golf publication

Bonus Points:

  • +1 point for every golf movie you can name off the top of your head
  • +1 point for any golf-related movie you’ve seen more than once
  • +1 point for every golf book or magazine you have on your bookshelf
  • +10 points if you can recite all the lines from Caddyshack verbatim

How did you score?

Points: Golf Nut Index
Less than 10 points: Go back to Lawn Bowls
11-50 points: Unspectacular
50-100 points: You show potential
100-200 points: Sweet Spot. True-Blue Golf Nut!
200+ points: Seek Counselling

Share your score!
Got a high score from the quiz? Email it to us at ed@insidegolf.com.au, or post your score on our website: www.insidegolf.com.au.

(NB: these results are in no way scientific, nor should they be used in lieu of actual golf advice.  If symptoms persist, please see your local PGA professional. Quiz points have no cash value, and cannot be redeemed for golf gear.)

About Richard Fellner

Winner of multiple Australian Golf Media Awards, including Best Photojournalism and Best Column, Inside Golf Group Editor Richard Fellner is the quintessential Golf Tragic, having played the game for over 50 years (but has never gotten any better!) He has played and reviewed courses all over the world, and has interviewed many of the great players of the game (including Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson and Greg Norman). Richard is a member of both the Australian Golf Writers Association and the Golf Society of Australia, and he is a regular guest on many Australian "sports talk" radio shows and networks, including ABC Grandstand, SEN 1116, Melbourne Talk Radio 1377, 2GB and others. Follow Richard Fellner on Quora


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