 Most people think this doesn’t exist! I mean who would want not give their best, right? We often hear about the fear of failure but the fear of success does as much damage if not more to the aspiring golfer. Most people are unaware that they have problems in this area until someone comes along and points it out to them. For some, it is quite obvious to them that something is not quite right as they have seen a pattern over many years but it still remains out of their control. This month’s article will go into how you can avoid getting into the fear of success and how to get out of it if you are stuck in its trap of frustration.
What is the fear of success?
Firstly, let us get clear on what fear is. False evidence appearing real is a great way to remember what it is most of the time. Fears tend to lurk behind the scenes in the subconscious part of our mind and come up to greet us right when we don’t need it the most. Fear can also be from a physical danger like seeing a shark in the water! This type of fear is helpful because it makes us take action and maybe swim out of the water quickly so we are not eaten for lunch. Mainly though, most of mankind’s fears we face in today’s times are mentally based. E.g. Fear of not being able to pay the bills, fear of what others will think of you etc.
The fear of success can be seen in someone being afraid to win. People who experience this describe it as being like a force that overwhelms them and they lose control of the situation. In the golfing world this relates to events such as someone doing all the right things with their preparation physically but then mentally folding just as they look like things are starting to go their way.
The great man Nelson Mandela has been noted to have mentioned these powerful words on the topic of the fear of success and I would say they ring true for a lot of golfers. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most.”
Some past champions like Annika Sorenstam and Sophie Gustafsen apparently were so afraid of giving winning speeches that they would find themselves consistently performing poorly towards the end of a great tournament.
For the social golfer, it could be things like not putting in practisfe because somewhere in their mind they have a belief that if they get their handicap down too low then they will have to put in more work to keep it there and that will take away time from other things they enjoy in life. It has a lot to do with how your brain is connected to events with pain and pleasure linkages. A lot of the time these beliefs have been built in our minds from childhood days and we can’t actually recall where they came from.
How does it differ from the fear of failure?
Fear of failure works its destruction by having you not taking the risks you need to take to get the job done. Because you are so afraid of what might happen you never really have a go. This can be seen from the golfer that has desires of being great but never really fully commits so that they can say to themselves ‘oh well I wasn’t even giving it my all so it doesn’t really matter… I could do it if I tried.’
The main difference is that the fear of success is a serious concern about being recognized and praised for all you can do. Some people fear that if they achieve all their goals it will still never be enough and they won’t ever truly be happy.
A few of the things that a fear of success may look like in your golf game are:
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Sabotaging your momentum of when you do have a win by not feeling like you deserve it and stuffing up the very next round.
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Being someone who is an underachiever for the work you have put in over a long period of time. Maybe you’re a 12 marker when really you think you should realistically be a 6 marker with all the work you have done.
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Not being able to accept praise for good rounds and your work ethic. Talking down any success you have. E.g. You shoot 40 points and someone says ‘great round’ and instead of saying thanks, you go on to talk about all the things you stuffed up.
A few of the thoughts you might experience frequently while playing or practising golf if fear of success has got you in its grip are:
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How can people like me if I succeed in reaching my goals in life? E.g. The tall poppy syndrome of being good and people wanting to see you come back to the pack. This is pretty common with regular groups of social golfers trying to put down there playing partners as a seeming joke at the time.
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There are always more demands and more needs that have to be met in order for me to be successful, no matter what I do it will never be enough. E.g. putting in a great week of practise and achieving really bad results when you play on the weekend.
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I am not that special, and I deserve very little, there are so many other who are better than me.
How do you overcome the fear of success?
The main thing you want to work on is learning to accept that everything that comes along with success is a good thing! It may not actually be that way in reality but that is a belief you need to lock into. Start accepting praise more and when you do succeed be the first one to reward yourself so that your brain remembers a strong positive experience for next time. Asking yourself better questions is a really good way to change your thinking, habits and actions. Some great questions for this topic that I found from psychologist James J Messina, PhD, Director of Psychological Services at St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital in Tampa, Fla. are:
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What do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
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What are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
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What evidence is there that I have not sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
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Have I ever feared losing people's attention, sympathy or concern if I achieved success here?
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Have I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?
How can you turn your fear into a mental strength?
One of the greatest things you can do for your mental bank account is to turn a weakness into strength. To do this with the fear of success, some parts of your thinking will have to eventually die or let go of for better words.
It may be time to look into subconscious tools of mental improvement such as: visualization, hypnosis, affirmations, neuro associative conditioning, one-on-one coaching and self image remodeling. These terms may sound complicated and awkward but there are technologies out there to help you work on your mind just like there are better mobile phones these days.
You will know when your turnaround will be complete when your results are different and you feel normal in how it all happens. That’s when you know fear is not living in your mind and body any more.
In the short term, some good questions to reflect over are:
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How can I improve the ways in which I reward myself?
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How can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
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How can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
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How can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
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How can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
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How can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?
What can you do to help others going through this fear?
If you are reading this you may be thinking to yourself, ‘this is perfect for John/Sally that I play with each week!' Remember you may be able to see their problems more clearly than what they can, and vice versa.
Here are the steps I recommend you take:
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Wait till they complain about their game next then tell them you read an interesting article that they might enjoy.
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Give them the article.
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Don’t bother trying to teach them yourself, it probably won’t work. It’s hard enough as a professional coach to help someone change their ways.
The top 3 things for your next game to get through the fear of success!
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Get all the excuses out of the way before you tee off so there are none left.
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Remind yourself regularly throughout the day of why you deserve to play well.
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Imagine yourself before you play succeeding and being comfortable with all the little things that go along with that.
If you want to understand your mind and golf game a lot faster you may be interested in mental coaching. You can contact me about arranging an individual mental golf assessment session. Often coaching can help you apply the things you already know. Mental coaching can be done over the phone so it may be applicable to you even if you live in another state/country. The website will show you some products and services available to train your golfing mind.
Mat Howe is a Golf Mind Coach who has mentally coached golfers from the international professional playing standard through to beginners. He currently works with several Touring Professionals, Trainee professionals and Amateurs throughout the world. Mat is based at Port Kembla Golf Course on the South Coast of NSW and can be contacted on 0410 695 605 or you can find interesting things at his website www.mindyourgolf.com.au.
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